I've always leaned towards beliefs that favor mysticism and goddess and nature worship, especially as I tend to be prone to lapse into voodoo when the moon looks at me funny. My Rainbow brothers and sisters don't call me Voodoo Annie because its cute. At the 2000 Montana Rainbow Gathering, I had a fat baby in my belly and was dancing (topless) in the high noon circle, and the Spirit of God POURED Himself over me, BATHING me in love and opening my eyes to TRUTH. Everything I valued most was before me, but because my eyes had been opened, for the first time, I could see that it was essentially meaningless, especially contrasted with the glory of God. I was so high, I couldn't speak, only laugh and cry and gesture inarticulately towards the sky. I hadn't eaten a single mushroom. No cannabis. No dmt. Nada.
It was the Holy Spirit, revealing the truth. Sometimes, what we believe and what is TRUE are two separate things. The truth that poured over me had no judgement in it, only love. That's not to say that because of the lack of judgement, that there was acceptance. All there was were love and truth. The judgement that happened next came entirely from me... after experiencing that kind of consuming, selfless, limitless love, and comparing it to the condition of my own heart, I judged MYSELF and found myself unacceptable. It was impossible to justify even the best parts of my heart COMPARED TO THE LOVE OF GOD. I was overcome with desire for Him... In the middle of the high noon circle, I crumbled to a heap in tears and with a broken heart, and asked God to forgive me... begged Him never to leave me, swore in every way I new how that I would give myself to Him in every way. And then, all of my torment just sort of slipped off me; it was GONE. All there was left was that perfect love... but now I also experienced ACCEPTANCE. All I wanted to do was experience more of that love. If anything, the feeling of love intensified, because now it wasn't covering me, it was INSIDE ME. I would have done ANYTHING for that love. Died for it even... that's what the Christ did; He gave up his place in Heaven so he could live as a human on this earth, and DIE for US. That is not a belief system, it is TRUTH. It is not judgement, it is LOVE. Anybody who tells you different is selling something.