Our lives have fallen into a predictable order; the spontaneousness of summer gone, and for those of us who are blessed to have a woodstove, we warm our damp socks by the fire, wiggling our toes as we watch ribbons of steam rise from or feet.
And we look ahead to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving! A wonderful celebration of remembering the many blessings in our lives, spent in the company of family and close friends around the table; at its center, a Thanksgiving turkey, moist and delicious. (And hopefully still hot when Grandpa Don finishes carving it.)
This year, around the dinner table, we've picked up the refrain from last year's Thanksgiving. We're still singing about Black Friday; how every year it cut in a little closer to family time, and somebody has to wash Grandma Vi's china. And Lord knows, that football game isn't going to watch itself.
But there's always that one... that ONE, who silently slips away from the unified grumbling, unnoticed, to begin leafing through the local newspaper, skillfully stalking her prey; the elusive Black Friday sale.
Oh, she know's what she's doing. And she doesn't give a hoot if you have last year's Scrabble game stacked in the back of an unused closet, along with the prior years Scrabble game. You'll eat your Scrabble, and you'll like it, too, because Aunt Mary got it a great bargain.
(Do try not to be too terribly distressed; my understanding is that Scrabble tiles can be used in a number of craft projects, and in the event of a blizzard, the Scrabble boards will make fine insulation.)
My understanding is that some quick-thinking bystander cried out, "Stop her!" but, there must have been some level of confusion, because what one women heard was,
"Bust out your stun gun and tase that bitch!"
Which to my thinking made perfect sense, because everyone knows that "stop her" and "taser" (tase-her?) sound almost exactly the same.
I'm not entirely sure what initiated the fight, but I'm almost certain they were, in the spirit of the season, offering to give up the last available door-busters item.
This is the point at which any blogger worth her salt would wrap the posting up in a pretty bow by giving some moral, unsolicited advise, but I'll just drop the same family motto I share with my boys: these two women need to remember to use their powers for good, and never for evil.
Or maybe they need to take a chill pill, yo.